Saturday, September 19, 2015

So we had another baby and her name is Ryssi Laine. We took her name from the original word 'Nissi,' meaning victory, and Laine from the Rain of Arizonian desert. We claim her as the rain of victory! We're fond of calling her Eeshie. This was taken when she was 2. 
God's Gracious grace
It was another morning to spend with my MAKER. Hence, the usual pouring and asking for forgiveness for the numerous 'shortcomings' I believe I have done on either conscious and unconscious ways.
Then I recall how I had an encounter with my 7 year old daughter yesterday. She was working on her homework. She had her answers on her paper; I saw her sentence constructions, on a paper full of erasures. She had been taught numerous times to write her letters neatly and to pay attention to her sentences on the use of capital letters on the start of a sentence, as well as the corresponding punctuation for the 'nth time' (of course, that includes the usual reminder of how to write neatly and 'think' several times of the answer first before she could write it on her paper, so it does not get dirty, thus get extra points for being neat too).
To my disappointment, she still seemingly has not been learning it. She is stuck to doing the same mistakes she commits, and the usual things we had been having arguments about. This has been going on for the last 3 years of her early elementary era. I felt kind of tired dealing with it. I felt disappointed!
So I told her, she seems not paying attention and not listening to me nor her dad. I reacted very hurtful and oblivious to talking to a young blood and mind, I blurted, "I do not know when will you ever learn! You keep on telling dad and I that you love us but you do not show it because of what I can see now! If you will not listen to us, who will you listen to?" Then, I walked out of the room. She knew I got mad (if that is the word for disappointment at her age). She suddenly became quiet, and locked herself in her room.
I just kept cleaning and do my usual chores, I have been thinking, and praying, 'Lord, where have I gone wrong on this child? Why does she not get it? We offered her to you and we wanted the best for her so she will grow better than us...' After few minutes of putting herself in time out, she came out of her room asking for an apology. Feeling still fired up, I responded, 'I heard that before, but you keep on doing the same things after you said sorry!' (Thinking to myself, 'yeah, sorry doesn't really cover it kid, yah know?').
To make it worse, out of my stirred-up emotion, I named few of other things that she keeps on forgetting as her duty, like her bed not being made each morning, etc. "Show me changes to prove you mean you're sorry and I will believe that you really are sorry." Then, she sheepishly said, "If you can't accept my apology, can I have a hug at least?" I was cleaning the bathroom that time, and so I felt it was too dirty for me to hug her. I responded, 'I'm too dirty, I'll hug you later after I cleaned up." "OK, I will be just right here outside waiting for your hug mom!"
Today, as I was crying out my heart to GOD. He reminded me of yesterday's encounter I had with my daughter. I suddenly felt my daughter's young heart crying out for mercy (as she tries to learn new things being a child). I could not stop crying on how cruel I was, for not readily making my forgiveness available at once (when all she failed to do was the usual things I probably did when I was her age!)! Yet today, when I said sorry LORD, I heard HIS voice echoing, "I know you are sorry child, I forgive you." Without any condition, nor any counting of the other things I failed to do. He embraced me right away, and I did not have to wait for it, I felt such love wrapping around me instantly.
I felt relieved. His grace is gracious, enough to make me feel better.
I suddenly realized, what if He says the same thing I said to my daughter? What if I need to prove myself that I am really sorry, that I should change my ways... and not commit the same things in order for me to receive forgiveness? What if God is like me? (That sounded scary to me).
But He isn't! ...The Scripture speaks about His love and grace,
I thank GOD for how He gives grace so freely without treating me as my sins deserve:

I pray: Lord, thank you for your loving kindness, for your grace that always abounds. Thank you for your patience and unfailing love for me. May we not abuse you grace, but be able to show it to others who have not seen it. Remind us of this LORD every day. In Jesus' name. AMEN.

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